“My new friend is handsome, African-American, intelligent, and seemingly wealthy. He is an athlete, loves his momma, and is happily married to a White woman. I admit when I (first) saw his wedding ring, I privately hoped. But something in me just knew he didn’t marry a sister,” wrote R&B songstress Jill Scott, who recently published a candid essay in which she expresses that her spirit “winces” whenever she sees a successful Black man with a White woman.
“I didn’t immediately understand it,” continued Scott about her friend’s mixed-marriage. “My face read happy for you. My body showed no reaction to my inner pinch, but the sting was there, quiet like a mosquito under a summer dress.”
While some Black women in their 30s and 40s may approve interethnic relationships, there are a great many of them that share Scott’s sentiments exactly, especially when it comes to the rapidly growing number of Black men who choose to date or marry White women. In fact, according to the U.S. Census Bureau, there were a total of 422,000 black-white marriages in 2005, accounting for seven percent of married African-American men, along with 13 percent of cohabitating Black men who also had Caucasian American partners.
Conversely, the number of Black married couples is steadily declining, and 42 percent of Black women have never been married, compared to only 21percent of White women.
Perhaps this disparity is why brothers can’t walk hand-in-hand with their blonde girlfriends free of having to ignore cold stares, pointing fingers, and insulting whispers from snarling Black female onlookers that wish for a pedestal of their own. But aren’t these reactions just a bit unreasonable? How is it that certain Black men qualify as either “trifling,” “no good,” or “weak,” simply because they prefer cream over coffee? And if it’s a matter of principle, then why are so many sisters more critical of together brothers that openly date White women?
In her essay, Scott admits there may be some jealously involved. “It’s frustrating and it hurts!” she exclaims. “While we exert efforts to raise our sons and daughters to appreciate themselves and respect others, most of us end up doing this important work alone, with no fathers or like representatives, limited financial support (often court-enforced), and on top of everything else, an empty bed.” But why hate Caucasian women for your shortcomings sisters? Sure, the dating pool is shallow and growing more so by the day, which is more of a reason for all women and men to step up their game–have you done this Black ladies? There must be a reason why your competition continues to snatch your men right from under you, so stop crying and do something about it, or consider choosing vanilla instead of chocolate (it’s a free country).
In this progressive era that has brought forth movies like “Something New” and theme songs like “No Scrubs,” it’s actually hypocritical for any Black woman to even frown at a brother for his dating preferences. Besides, there is no cure for “Jungle Fever”–just ask Tiger Woods.