Your last relationship started out well, but it fizzled, fast.

You thought the guy before that was Mr. Right, but he thought he was always right. He didn’t last long. The guy before him was hot, but he was chillin’ with another woman. And the guy before that?

Don’t even go there.

Sound familiar? Maybe you’ve been looking for Mr. Right in the wrong places. In the new book “How to Duck a Suckah” (c.2008, Fireside Books, $15.00 / $17.50 Canada, 175 pages) by Big Boom, you’ll learn first-hand ditching advice from a former suckah.

Big Boom says that he’s done some things in his day that you wouldn’t believe. That’s because he was a young suckah. By “suckah”, he means a man who has a serious relationship but cheats on his woman.

Boom says there are lots of things you can do to avoid suckahs. First, he says, take time to learn who you really are. Then be true to the person you know yourself to be.

Once you find a man you think you can love forever, be safe and don’t let your new man rush you into something that makes you uncomfortable. Dig into his history and find out who he is. Give him a fair chance and don’t play with his heart, but be aware of a suckah in hiding. Watch what he does, watch yourself, and know that God will be doing the same.

Let’s say you found someone you love but he turned out to be a true suckah. What next? Boom says you should never put up with abuse of any sort. Get out of a bad relationship, fast.
Most of all, enjoy being a woman. Pick yourself up when things get lousy and get back into the race. There are good men out there. You just have to be aware that the suckahs are out there, too.

Oh, my. I had such high hopes for this book.

“How to Duck a Suckah” seems to be written with a woman’s best interests in mind; in fact, author Big Boom calls himself The Bodyguard for Women’s Hearts. He gives some good advice, but he also gives plenty of bad.

Why, for instance, does his book take readers from supposedly-real Pimp Rules to the necessity for nice, matching underwear? Child-rearing advice is in here, but I didn’t see how that related to ditching a man. Neither did misogynistic statements like “Girls follow, men lead. Girls are not supposed to be in the front” and “We (men) don’t need that… talking, because you are the one who got this mess started, anyway.” Despite the title, I thought much of Boom’s advice was more about making an overly-demanding man happy and less about how to get rid of an unwanted boyfriend or pest.

“How to Duck a Suckah” is not the light-hearted book I had hoped it would be. Instead, it’s scattered and not very useful to women who know their minds. Unless you’re in an abusive relationship that you honestly, truly don’t know how to escape, consider this a book to duck.